The Game of Life
Maintaining the flow state in life by identifying the right level to play the game
I love startups. I have always wanted to start something on my own since my college days. I have also tried to get started multiple times before. I brainstorm the idea, I write about it, I discuss the idea with my friends, I convince them to work with me and I even draft a short-term plan to get started with the work.
But when the day comes where all that is left is to do the 'actual work', I give up.
The work seems extremely overwhelming and I have no idea how to approach it. Something similar happened to me again in the past few months. My friend and I wanted to start up a home-cooked food delivery business. Fun fact, it was one of the ideas we had thought of during our college days.
We happened to quit our jobs at the same time and we were confident enough that we could kickstart the work this time. Guess what? The same story repeated. This time, the reason was not that we couldn't figure out the next steps to get started, but it was because of the nature of the work we were trying to get into. It was a hard business. It was an operation-heavy business that required us to get out on the road and knock on people's doors to get started. We were used to sitting at our home desks to do the work.
On reflecting, I realized that I was trying to push myself into playing the hardest level of the game because it seemed like the most exciting thing to do, which ended up resulting in anxiety and arousal.
I was making the mistake of playing the game in hard(est) mode.
Boredom & Anxiety
It is easier to sense when I'm playing a game in the easy mode. Boredom sets in and the results are clear, as I keep winning the game. But winning neither brings me joy nor the rewards are sufficient enough for me to keep going. So everyone, including me, tries to push themselves into playing a harder game.
Which makes sense. Playing the hard game is always more fun. You would never want to play cricket with a bunch of 5-year-olds even when you know you'll be winning all the time. But on the other hand, if given a chance, you would always want to play against players more experienced than you.
But here's the trap. Often, we end up choosing a much harder level to play than our skill level.
I have always fallen into this trap multiple times. Choosing the hardest game seems much more attractive. It appears to be the way to get people's attention and also shows people that I'm capable of more than they think. I tend to overestimate my skills and end up finding other reasons to convince myself to quit.
This phenomenon is visible when playing actual games. I have tried to play DOTA 2 multiple times, but I never managed to keep playing the game. I didn't enjoy the game because the learning curve was so high. I lacked the motivation to push through the initial difficulties to learn the game, build my skills and then reach a point where I could enjoy playing the game with my friends.
The game was even harder because I was always playing with my friends who were much better than me. I didn't choose the right level to play the game, so I never achieved the flow state.
The Flow State
The flow state is when I'm playing a game that perfectly matches my skills and provides enough challenges for me to take on. When I'm in a flow state, I forget myself. I get so deep into the game that I lose track of my surroundings and I'm completely absorbed in playing, rather than thinking of what's ahead or what was behind. In other words, I'm just present, at the moment, enjoying what's happening in the game.
That's the flow state. I've noticed that I'm most productive and enthusiastic when I'm playing the games that lead me into the flow state. Identifying the right games to play requires a great level of self-awareness and assessment of one's skills, which I'm still struggling with.
Being in a flow state feels like travelling in a rocket ship. Both skills and challenges keep growing, and you'll experience an infinite pull from the other side to keep going.
This is truly true when it comes to selecting jobs. It is always best to choose jobs that appear a bit beyond our current skills. When there are fewer challenges, we get bored. On the other hand, if the challenges are too high, we can become overwhelmed.
The right job should stretch us to the right degree so that we can make the most of our existing skills and also help us to grow. The only condition is that we should not break down while stretching ourselves too hard. Knowing our limits and constantly listening to ourselves can help us in this regard.
“Flow is important both because it makes the present instant more enjoyable, and because it builds the self-confidence that allows us to develop skills and make significant contributions to humankind.”
~ Dr Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Author & Psychologist
There are many different ways to think about the same concept. While writing this post I came across the concept of Goldilock's rule which pretty much states the same. This article is just my retelling of the same old principle and I hope the retelling adds some context & value. See you next week with another story!
📝 Best articles I read this week
Find Your Place (1 min read)
A short read on the importance of leverage and factors that can influence leverage.
In summary, leverage is as much about where you are standing as how much force you are applying.
Life is a Picture, But You Live in a Pixel (6 min read)
Beautiful article on living life and living in the present.
The Impact Bias—our “tendency to overestimate the hedonic impact of future events.” Humans have the ability to simulate future situations in our heads to predict what it’ll be like to experience them, but that simulator doesn’t always work so well and tends “to make you believe that different outcomes are more different than in fact they really are.”
🎙 Best podcast I listened to this week
Conversation with Albinder Dhindsa, founder of Blinkit
A candid conversation about building an e-commerce platform. I never expected to gain so many insights from this conversation. Worth a listen.
📹 Best video I watched this week
Circle Of Love | Rudy Mancuso (Old but gold ✨)
Great summary of the idea of flow state. I personally struggle with the other side of the problem where I underestimate my skillset and kinda feel underwhelmed, then after a point I grow comfortable with it. Sometimes I've left a task that's worth only half a day take up my entire day. It's not fin in the long run though. I consciously try to set harder goals so I don't feel bored / apathy.
I am kind of waiting for your article every week now :) I think the idea you pursue could be harder but if you have enough conviction, you can break them to small stages of execution and go after it. I suffer with conviction of the idea in the mind mainly.